#633 - How to Feel Loved with Dr. Harry Reis
💬 Show Notes
Roger Whitney shifts from financial planning to the non-financial pillar of relationships, sharing a live conversation with Harry Reis about how to feel more loved and connected in retirement. Together they explore the science behind belonging and loneliness, introduce practical mindsets for deepening relationships, answer listener questions, and close with the team’s latest book recommendations.
Outline of This Episode of The Retirement Answer Man
(00:00) This show is dedicated to helping you not just survive retirement but have the confidence and clarity to lean in and rock it.
(00:27) Roger outlines the month ahead: a focus on relationships, an upcoming financial deep dive with Wade Pfau, wisdom from retirees navigating health care before Medicare, a candid discussion on retirement calculators, and a live Noodle hangout.
CONVERSATION WITH HARRY REISS
(02:00) Roger introduces Harry Reis, co-author (with Sonja Lyubomirsky) of How to Feel Loved, for a conversation recorded live in the Rock Retirement Club.
(05:17) Roger asks Harry what led him down the path to study relationships and partner with Sonja Lyubomirsky for the book.
(15:00) Harry talks about the loneliness epidemic and the effects of not feeling loved.
(17:45) Roger and Harry talk about the obstacles and myths of being loved.
(23:15) Harry introduces the sea-saw framework for relationships.
(27:00) Harry shares practical mindsets for strengthening connection, including listening to learn, radical curiosity, multiplicity, and mutual vulnerability.
(43:30) Roger reflects on why this is important.
LISTENER QUESTIONS
(45:00) Listeners share questions about one-sided conversations, vulnerability, and love languages, leading to practical discussion about compatibility, communication, and choosing people willing to “play seesaw.”
WHAT’S ON THE BOOKSHELF?
(58:00) The team shares recent reads.
SMART SPRINT
(1:05:55) Consider one relationship you want to deepen. Practice listening to learn this week. Ask one more follow-up question than you normally would and notice what happens.